Five Kisses Ago
by lindsayandhalstead
Summary: One-shot. Five kisses Erin and Jay shared before the one in 2x11. AU-ish.


**A/N: This was one of those "Five times Erin and Jay kissed before 2x11" things and I actually quite like how it turned out. I love playing with what technically could've happened that we don't know about.**

 **Let me know if you like this!**

* * *

It's a Halloween party. Molly's is beyond crowded, and Herrmann is making everyone try a new Halloween cocktail. The only Halloween thing about it is, in Erin's opinion, that she will have nightmares from it. She sees Jay make his way towards her with a grin. Neither of them are wearing costumes, they just got off work, but Erin has always liked Halloween. There is something so absurd about it, but she likes it anyway.

She waves to Herrmann for another Dead Zombie, as he has decided to call this new concoction. "You've got to try this, really! It's amazing," she assures as seriously as she can and Jay looks at her sceptically, but decides to play along and takes a big sip of the orange cocktail.

His immediate reaction is to kill her, but the sound of her laughter in his ears is making that so very difficult. She's propped on the bar, looking quite tipsy already and she's looking at him without the usual inhibitions. The night has a potential to be dangerous.

He downs the rest of the cocktail, despite the fact that it is the worst thing he has ever tasted and orders a round of beers for the both of them. They fall into pleasant conversation, and even a little bit of harmless flirting. Herrmann, or someone, keeps filling their glasses and before they know it, they're too hammered to even attempt driving. They end up in a cab together, and the night gets more dangerous when she invites him in for a coffee.

They don't know who leans in first, but after all that pent up frustration, their lips finally slam together, and it isn't gentle. It's hurried, even desperate and they cling to each other for a second, before she pulls away.

"We can't. We work together."

He nods. Their foreheads touch, and for that split second, there is only them, their quiet breathing, their eyes closed while they breathe each other in, and then, let go.

* * *

They have been partners for a couple of months now, and they occasionally ditch the unit, for a beer far away from work. They have a place where they go, when they want to talk about something privately, or just don't feel like hanging out with the rest. They share these comfortable moments, where they talk, or just sit, each of them lost in their own minds.

This time is different. It's only days after the shooting, in which Jay's bartender friend almost died behind the bar. Without questions, they choose a new bar, a neutral ground. Jay seems different, older somehow, but his smile is the same. She finds herself never wanting to lose that smile, but it isn't really hers to begin with. She feels a pang in her chest, and turns her attention to the drink in front of her.

They talk about everything; about how Jay felt when his friend got shot, and about Erin's past, and even about his, even though he is so rarely willing to share that. They talk about Voight and the mischiefs she got up to when she was a kid. They laugh and they lean forwards, as if some invisible force was pulling them together. They forget to count drinks.

She's laughing at his sad attempt to flirt (but let's face it, he has her where he wants her) and he's leaning in, and their lips touch ever so slightly, before she turns her attention back to her drink. It isn't even a kiss, it doesn't last long enough for it to be one.

But she knows it's a kiss, because she spends the next two weeks trying to get it out of her head.

* * *

"Fancy," he comments, when she pops down next to him in a suit. She smiles in reply and waves the bartender for a drink. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't have to. He knows she was meeting with the guy from the DA's office about that task force. He doesn't ask how it went, or what her decision was. Maybe he doesn't want to know.

The thought of not having his back anymore makes her almost physically ill and she downs the drink in a second, waving for another. She's pretty much made up her mind, but she still has to talk to Voight about it. But Voight, she knows she will always have him. She wonders what will happen to her relationship with Jay. Will they stay friends? Will they drift apart? Is he going to be angry with her? She has a million of things on her mind, and not one that would calm her down. She finished her second drink and gets up to leave, and Jay is right there next to her, walking her to her car. It's not like she needs it, but he's leaving anyway, so why not.

Before she gets into a car, she presses a light kiss on his lips. Then she gets into her car and drives away.

It feels too much like a goodbye kiss.

* * *

The case they've been working has had them on edge the entire week. It's always difficult when it involves kids, but this case was so personal for her. She had just gotten back from the dinner at Amy's new home and she felt mentally drained. It reminded her of the thing her old partner used to say. The hardest part of the job is not bringing it home with you. She feels that, especially after cases like this one.

But then there is Jay on her doorstep, holding out a six-pack. She smiles gratefully and lets him in.

"It was a good thing you did for that girl," he says, gently.

"I wish I could have done more." He knows that, because he knows her, and he also knows by the frown on her face that she is thinking about how hard it usually is for abuse victims. She's thinking of Teddy, and of every other kid she ever saved. She's wondering where they ended up.

"It doesn't help to dwell on it," he offers and she agrees, but it's harder to let go than usual. Maybe it's because of the thing with Teddy, or Amy, or maybe she's just in the mood for wallowing. She realizes then, that they're mere inches apart, and before she can process that, their lips touch softly. It's a kiss meant to soothe, and comfort. It's a kiss full of understanding and care and it only lasts a couple of seconds, before he pulls back and goes back to his beer.

They don't mention it for the rest of the evening, but her hand does find his and doesn't let go for the rest of his stay. Just for that night, she allows herself to find solace in him.

* * *

Of course they're in a sex club.

She glances at Jay sideways, expecting him to be gloating and a little cocky, but he looks like she feels. Nervous. He was quick to joke about it when they got the assignment, but here, it's an entirely different story. He's carefully glancing around, as if careful to not see something he can't later un-see.

"Wait here, I'll be back in a second. And for God's sake, blend in, or you'll blow your cover," the cute bartender (or whatever he "tends" to) whispers before he disappears with a wink. Erin rolls her eyes, but they find a seat and order some drinks. She gulps, thinking about what blending in means in a place like this. She scoots closer to him on the chaise, in order to keep up appearances, but the place is hot and when he looks at her, she feels like she's being set on fire. She's acutely aware of the tightness of her dress when his hands slide down her back, and she bites her lip without even realizing it.

She knows it's coming this time. They're both sober, and on a task, but at this moment the task requires them to blend in, so she welcomes his lips hot and delicious on hers with a throaty moan that sends him to heaven (or it might be hell, he just doesn't care).

Her arms wrap around him, suddenly no longer caring that they're in a crowded club, suddenly no longer realizing where they are at all. Her head falls back, allowing him to move his kisses onto her neck. Her head is empty. All thoughts, concerns gone. All there is left now is the primal need to reach that peak.

She has somehow ended up in his lap and he slips one hand under her dress, pulling the fabric up with his fingers. He knows what he's doing, she thinks sometime between the kisses. His fingers are skillful, making their way up. He only pauses briefly to look for consent or the absence of it. He finds her answer in her heated look and, this time, it's her lips that find his.

His hands have reached their destination, and he realizes with a surprise that she's not wearing any underwear. He shoots a cocky grin at her and she rolls her eyes before gasping when she feels his finger on her clit. She moans with pleasure that has been denied to her for so long. But she no longer cares.

She's so wet for him already and the thought of that would get him hard in a second, if he wasn't rock hard yet. The little sounds of pleasure she makes almost send him right over the edge. He thrusts his fingers in an almost violent pace, willing her to come.

When she does, her back arches against his body and for a second she thinks she's seeing stars, until she realizes where she is, and that the stars are actually the little lights of the club.

Their eyes meet for a second, before they're interrupted by the return of the bartender, who has gotten the necessary information. Erin struggles to pull her dress down, a tell-tale blush spreading across her cheeks. They rush the conversation, finding out as much as they can before they leave the club behind.

The silence in the car is deafening and she scrambles for words, until she realizes he's heading to her place. Well, she can't really blame him for wanting to finish the things they left quite unfinished.

They're in front of her door when he finally speaks. "I thought it would be a good idea to change. You know, before heading back to the precinct." She nods, opening the door and walking in, with him right behind her. All she wants to do is to pull him against her and return the favour, but he's keeping his distance.

"I'm not going to lie. All I want is to throw you in a bed and never let you go again." His voice is slightly husky, assumingly from lust, and she swallows hard to keep herself steady. "But we work together, and we've already established that while we do, nothing can happen between us."

"It's already too late for that," she murmurs and he nods. "Yeah. But this I can go back from." Hopefully at least, and surely not for a long, long time. "If I have you, there's no going back."

She nods, looking at him to make him understand that she gets it. It's the same for her, and even this, she doesn't know how she'll ever forget. "So this never happened."

He leaves the apartment and it feels like he's taking half of her heart with him.

* * *

"We no longer work together," he says with a smile, and just with looking into his eyes she sees every kiss they've ever shared, and if she looks close enough, she can also see the ones that are yet to come.

And there is going to be a lot.


End file.
